THE OINTMENT AND BLOWS OF A TRUE FRIEND

A faithful friend is necessary for building positive character.  Such a friend does not withhold advice.

Ointment and incense gladden the heart,
And the sweetness of one’s friend is sincere counsel.  (Prov 27:9)

Straightforward advice provides guidance that leads to comfort and gladness.

So, too a faithful friend offers constructive confrontation.

Iron sharpens against iron,
And a person sharpens the character* of his friend.  (Prov 27:17)

At a blacksmith’s forge, the pounding of iron upon iron with intense heat and sparks flying produces a sharpened, more useful tool.  I have had heated exchanges with people who care.

I have been thinking along two lines.  First, I worry about how our society has created such a dearth of meaningful friendships.  Social communication is at an all-time high, but so is loneliness, depression, and despair.  Our use of social media not only keeps us in remote but like-minded groups; but also, the algorithms behind our media encourage messages that attack and demean those on the outside.  Moreover, both with “friend” and “foe,” we are not developing the skills for meaningful face-to-face conversations.  My students tell me they are not even comfortable making “cold calls” over the phone!

Secondly, I have been thinking about how much I need not just the encouraging “oil” of a friend, but also critical observations about myself and “hard” advice, even reproof.  We all have a view of life through the “binoculars” we have developed from life’s experiences, both helpful and hurtful.  We cannot help it; that is how the mind/brain works.  But, that leaves us stuck.  Introspection and non-confrontive counseling cannot reshape my character simply because I cannot see my self-limiting binoculars when I am looking through them.  I need faithful friends who will push me to broaden my perspectives and will push me toward constructive actions.

Lord, I thank you for the confrontations of your Spirit that have come from faithful friends.  I praise and thank you for such godly friends.  Help me to be receptive to those moments, as the psalmist said:

The righteous one strikes me – [it is] loving-faithfulness,
                     And reproves me  [it is] oil on my head.
May my head not oppose [it].^  (Psalm 141:5a,b,c)

Help me, also, to have the wisdom to be such a faithful friend.  Amen.

*Literally “face,” but the face is used figuratively as that which reflects the inner person.
^The next line of v. 5 (d), which I omitted, is something like, “For still my prayer is against their evil deeds” and at first glance is confusing; however, the third-person plural “their” refers back to the people who do wickedness in verse 4 and not to the righteous one (singular) who acts in faithfulness.