THE SELF-TESTIMONY OF LIGHT

When I have doubts about God, I talk to Jesus.

Every rational argument for the existence of God can be countered.  The so-called rational proofs for God basically make the same point: rather than infinite regression (e.g. causally), there “must be” an ending/starting point.  “Could be” is more accurate.  The bottom line is that belief in a divine origin/foundation is just as compelling as an atheistic acceptance of infinite regression.
            My feeling-level experiences of God’s Presence are also not compelling.  They could be neurological aberrations.  There are also evolutionary psychological explanations for feeling awe when thinking (correctly or not) about someone dominant in life’s hierarchy and a desire to find security in them.
            When my thoughts go it this direction, one thing I do is recall the bedrock of too many “coincidences” of prayer.  Better still, I talk to Jesus.  Why?  On the surface, that does not seem reasonable.  I know.
            Jesus said, "I am the light of the world. The one who follows [ongoing action] me will never [emphatic negative] walk in darkness, but will have the light of life" (Jn. 8:12). The author of the Gospel of John testifies that in Jesus, the Word, is life that is the light to all people and that the “darkness” cannot overcome it (John 1:4-5).
            I cannot explain it, but that is my testimony, too.  Once I said to Jesus, “I’m ruining my own life.  I’m giving myself to you,” there has been “light” in my life.  Jesus said that the Spirit would convict/expose to light (elencho) the world about sin, righteousness and judgment (John 16:8-11).  Since that day of commitment, I see my own sins more clearly.  I see more clearly what is righteous.  I know that the darkness in me and the world has been condemned.  There is order and life in the midst of chaos and darkness.
            Beliefs about “God” are one thing.  Jesus is personal.  So, I talk to Jesus.

Jesus, my Lord.  I love you.  Thank you for always being there.  Keep shining in my dark places. Amen.